I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
