We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
