Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
