There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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