the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
