I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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