drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
