my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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