Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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