And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
