I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
