You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
