Joe is yelling at the trees again.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
