I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
