she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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