She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
