The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize