FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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