dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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