Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
