I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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