Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Houston, we have a squirter
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
