i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
