I got chris browned last night
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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