I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
