Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
