I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
