Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
