Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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