i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
