turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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