Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
