We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
