he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
there is glitter all over my balls
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