There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
vagina is talking i cant
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
