The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
