The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
