I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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