Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
