sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
