I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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