i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
