Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
