We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
