I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
