We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize