I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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