it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Your dad touched me again.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
