i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Randomize
