god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
