haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
