maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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