You smell like a Billy Joel song
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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