Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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