Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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