Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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