Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
