Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
