How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
