Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
