the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
