I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
