woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
