her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
