Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize