Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
being pregnant is like rehab
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
